The Pilot
On the daily drive to elementary school many years ago, I peppered my dad with dozens of questions about how things work and why things are a certain way. I recall one day staring up at the sky through the backseat window of our blue Chevy sedan, asking him why we could still see the moon when the sun was already out. He told me to look it up in the encyclopedia. That was his answer for most things. Those pleather-bound books often had the answers to my questions.
I love learning. I crave information. I seek answers so I can understand. This may be why I’m back in grad school in my mid-forties and why I’ve chosen professions where I get to listen to, learn from, and engage with smart, interesting people.
Sometimes the more I know, the calmer I feel. Information can give me a false sense of control as I try to think my way through life situations. On our honeymoon 18 years ago, my husband Michael and I went on a helicopter ride on the Big Island of Hawaii. Michael knew I was nervous because I’m not a big fan of flying and I had never been on a helicopter. He arranged for me to sit next to the pilot. He knew if I could see what was happening and talk to the pilot through our nifty headsets to better understand how it works, I’d enjoy it more. He was right. It was incredible. I was in quiet awe at the wonder of the landscape and how the helicopter was so nimble in how it moved us elegantly through the air. I don’t remember being nervous or asking many questions at all. That was my experience, but Michael may have a slightly different memory of that helicopter ride.
Last year, Michael was sifting through old boxes and found the VHS recording of our helicopter adventure. He had the recording converted to a DVD so we could enjoy that ride again. The video shows not only amazing views of volcanos and the ocean but also the helicopter passengers. There were eight of us. And what else did it specifically show? Me. Talking. A lot. Apparently that relaxed journey I remember was a mirror image of me in my dad’s car when I was 8 years old asking him dozens of questions.
The pilot was patient and kind. It created a calming experience for me because I had cues – both verbal and nonverbal. I could see what was happening. I had information. If the pilot appeared calm, then I felt calm.
Right now, we are being inundated with information, yet there’s a lot we don’t know about the pandemic we face. Everything from our health, to our jobs, the economy, and the future of our families, friends, and communities. Our minds want to understand. Our hearts want to feel calm and a sense of normalcy. I’m back on that helicopter ride, but this time I’m blindfolded and my mic doesn’t work. I must sit in the discomfort and overwhelm.
As we all sit together in this collective discomfort, I’m reminded of Stephen Covey’s powerful tool, the circles of concern and influence. You can also add a circle of control to get specific on what we have direct control over. I’ve been using this tool daily, especially when news comes out about COVID 19 projections, the healthcare and first responder crisis, and the economy.
It’s a simple tool that can be used within any context. Here’s an example from a few client conversations regarding work in this new norm:
What is in my circle of concern? (a.k.a. out of my control?) The economy, job loss, the future of my company
What is in my circle of influence? How I lead my team or organization, engage with my colleagues, show up with my clients. (Note that you have no control over how they choose to engage with you).
What is in my circle of control? How I frame my thoughts about work. How I prioritize and narrow in on what is most important now. How I manage my emotional responses. How I communicate my needs and ask for support. How I listen to others and what they need. What I can do to help others on my team.
This tool can deepen your understanding and give you important insight about where to focus your energy for greatest impact. It can be used with your family, your business partners, and on your own through journaling. Writing it down and naming it can create clarity and even calm because we’re tuning into our own insight and self-awareness. When we gain clarity around what we can control and influence, we have agency. We become our own pilot.
Reach out if you’d like to connect 1:1 to learn more about this tool and other ways to move through the new norm at work and life. Wishing you safety, health, and clarity.